Voices: September 2019

(September 2019)

Hi everyone! I just spent some time catching up on everything I’ve missed on here (Instagram) in the last week, and I was struck by just how encouraging this community is.  Post after post, reminding their people that they are loved, teaching important lessons, and sharing their hearts. Reading all of these had me feeling really inspired to share what’s been on my heart lately.  So, here goes. 

If you are struggling, with an eating disorder, with depression, with anxiety, with anything else, you need to know that you are STRONG.  The battles that happen on the inside, behind the scenes, are really, really hard battles. For me, those are the hardest battles.  But those who choose to fight these battles are so brave. Fighting against an eating disorder is like spending 24 hours a day listening to two people argue inside your own head.  It’s exhausting and it can so quickly fill you with anger. 

It is like saying no to one voice in your mind, and yes to another.  Every day you have to choose which voice you’re going to say yes to. One voice says, “You are still not enough.  You shouldn’t eat that. You should work harder. You should be more like her. You don’t deserve this. I’m going to help you. I’m going to make you feel better and stronger if you would just listen to me, I promise.” It took me two years to realize that this voice speaks nothing but LIES. 

The other voice in your head is whispering in the background. “Relax. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Eat. You deserve nourishment. Rest. You deserve rest. You are tired. You are hurting yourself. Let me help you. Let others help you.” This voice speaks TRUTH. 

Please, I beg you, listen to that true voice instead.  I didn’t start to recover until I decided to let this voice into the warzone that was my brain. I can still hear the arguments going on in my head, but they are quieter.  And if it gets noisy, I tell my eating disorder voice to SHUT UP, and I try to move on with my day, with my life. Slowly, that true, positive, life-giving voice will take over, until the eating disorder becomes the whisper. 

You are strong, and you need to be brave. 

The only way to heal is to be brave. Recovering from an eating disorder takes work.  It’s not fair, and I can’t explain why it happens to anyone, but sometimes there are things in life that we just have to get through. I promise you that if you are brave, it will pay off. Even if you take one step forward and two steps back, keep being brave.  Never give up, because that second voice in your head will never give up on you. 

I love all of you beautiful people, and I’m so thankful for this community.  The people that I have found on Instagram have helped me tremendously in my recovery, and my only hope is that I can help other people in the same way.  

XOXO, 

Julia